Every time she plucks up the courage to leave and come home he stalks her constantly and she then becomes very abusive towards me and then leaves again. He has sued many people, Doctors, equipment makers of her therapeutic devices, and informed me that he is now worth 1.8 million dollars, and could I go the distance in a legal fight… I cannot. She has two little boys who I worry about. Now he’s putting his hands on her. She says, 'You're not listening.' Hand him/her the note and go from there. I called again and again and again also finding out if the officers do interviews with a neighbor that can say yes. He uses people. His family is “understanding” and we “don’t forgive.” At one point my daughter left “for good.” Now they are married. He has severe depression. She was a dragon and I stayed away, coz if he knew he went over and threatened her. This mother said that: “if we try to overcome this with lots of phone calls, emails and suggestions to meet up it seems to feed into her husband’s smear campaign about us. But they are supposedly broke up. Be there at the crossroads. He told my husband he would rather come and cut his throat than pay to get it fixed as he only dented the car because of her actions and we wouldn’t be able to take it any further as my daughter would back him and not us. Honestly, I don’t think that these rules apply here to your situation as your daughter is not of age to make up her own mind with any true mature thinking. My mom and dad are very genuine nice people. He speaks for her. Sometimes for whatever reason, we are a little stand-offish with our daughters. but fear they never reach her because the first one was “return to sender” – written in our son-in-law’s handwriting. He is depressed and unhappy. He kept accusing her of having a workplace affair. I’m sure you are a beautiful girl and there is much much much more out there to offer that what you are having to deal with. She doesn't suggest I get my head out of the clouds or the hair out of my eyes. I’ve tried to let her know that I’m concerned with her constantly feeling “ill” and the sheer amount of time that she’s constantly feeling ill (all of the symptoms listed in this article). You are nothing. I have read up on this site explains my 28 yr old daughter to a ‘T’. I am at a loss as to what to do??? ADHD. He is very controlling. He’s never bought anything for her or the upcoming baby, is always in trouble with the law (worried he’ll drag her into the criminal life) and the worst is I just found out that he made a porn film staring them, and is selling it in our small town. That, of course, only resulted in him working his way into creating monsters out of us and her backing away from us totally for over a year. She is emotionally drained and I honestly think she has lots of mental damage from all of the emotional and body branding he has done. 7. How to help women abused and controlled by male partners: Stage One And in a way I am relieved because the abuse from her is unbearable. He would shout at her over nothing, which made her upset most of the time my mom told him he can’t be treating her like that. It is vital that your daughter regain control of her life on her own. I don’t understand not doing anything. This outline gives me hope. Almost wish there was a way we could communicate with each other for support and encouragement. They are doing the best they can but you can be a voice for your daughter when she can’t and when it is critical. I don’t want to lose our relationship (we are very close) and she does come to me for advice when he’s abusive to her, but then won’t talk about it the next day. Any decisions you made would have been NORMAL in response to an ABNORMAL situation. I then started seeing issues. My 15 year old pregnant daughter was badly beaten by her 17 yr old boyfriend on Thanksgiving. She wore a poodle skirt and two-toned shoes; I was in jeans and a tee shirt with the sleeves rolled up and my hair slicked back. Move forward in your life. My son was the first to be alienated 5 yrs ago. It’s like there is just emptiness inside her. Shame on society shame on colleges. She is a wonderful person but her boyfriend is abusive in every way… I have tried over the last 5 years to understand, deal, help, hope, pray and throw my hands up on this situation. A mother-daughter relationship can be healthy For unhealthy mother-daughter relationships, I think, before tackling these issues, you should find time to sit and just communicate . I feel trapped in the relationship because he doesn’t do it every single day, so I have that whiplash feeling (short periods of intense pain followed by longer periods of intense relief), and I’m completely financially dependent on him. He’s very obsessive. I’ve let her talk, listened and not been judgemental. My daughter came to me twice, talking about a divorce. I love my daughter so very much and know she deserves so much better than she is getting. In many years I have said absolutely nothing until recently. Show love more than giving words. But unknown to me he was still in contact with her. I also found this out by reporting perpetrator to be in direct violation of the 2 orders. The only time she is away from him is when she is at work or he has taken off to spend a night in a bar drinking alone while she’s at work…….which would explain why she recently sent me a text message from work saying “Why is it that I’m all on board with plans to move back home with you and dad when I’m at work but as soon as I’m away from work my thoughts change? So make sure you know who her friends are. He has convinced her that she needs to change religion to repent for past sins. Should we include him in family things now to take away the power? She is 18 and going out with a 29 year old. My 14 year old pregnant daughter doesn’t undertand why I’m keepin her from her 18 year old boyfriend who is the father of her unborn child! How can I tell her that I don’t want to be around him anymore? She worries about him and wants to go back. I really feel for my daughter’s boyfriend sometimes. The notary, a true notary, is a friend of his. There was an argument, things were said and now she has cut all of us out of her life. How can we possibly reach out to our daughter when she doesn’t respond? It's important to relay to her that while a partner may begin to lovingly do a few things differently to please her, demanding it of him can backfire. At New Year, everything came to a head. Sometimes mothers are just not meant to be mothers? I don’t know what to do, how to help her, or how to get her out of this situation. If she is taking music lessons, listen to her practice and go to recitals. She confided in me that “he” had a drinking problem and had been drinking the night before. Dig deep and find that inner strength. But that may seem counter-intuitive to you. They are keeping her son. It’s heartbreaking to see how he treats her and my grandchildren. The “boy” she has been dating for 3 years is verbally and emotionally abusive as well and makes her feel bad about herself. She was here for her 18th birthday. If she wants to help her husband, then let him get counseling and mature. 8. It is up to each person to follow their own instinct with respect to your personal understanding of your daughter and her partner and others who may be influencing her. "Mothers have to respect how girls feel, rather than telling them how they should feel," she says. So all in all I have no way to reach her. He constantly verbally abuses her and threatens to throw her out unless she leaves him alone and not worry about what he does. Am I enabling or helping? He instils stereotypes into your daughter’s head by telling her that you are a lying, interfering, overbearing and meddlesome mother-in-law who needs to back off. We didn’t go to the wedding. He has done sexual things to her that sent her to the hospital in the past. They spoke to me and told me to go to my local Police station, which I did and was treated as if I was a criminal. We need HONEST MEDIA CAMPAIGNS to change the dominant messages about how to have relationships. I’m so scared for my life. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. They have been together probably 5 yrs, living together now 9 months. His father tried to beat me up once. Try to have an honest conversation about why your parent is being selfish. But the other part of me feels attached to this monster. She put his name as biological dad on birth certificate. When this happens, she becomes even more entrenched in the relationship. If the conflict is truly between the mother and daughter, it's usually better for the dad to trust that they will work things out. This was not child pornography, he did go to a couple of those sites but the police where not sure if it was accidental or not as he did not download that stuff like he did with the other sites, and I’m not against adults enjoying some porn but these women looked like young teens, the age she was when he met her. She says she wants her independence. Get help. Most important, it's an opportunity for moms to teach their daughters that how they say something is just as important as what they say. My daughter is married and her husband is abusive and has driven a wedge between her and her family. Take her on dates. Just knowing that she is not alone will go a long way in helping her build the confidence needed to end the relationship. I know she is scared of him. Even if you were no stellar role model for relationships, there are some healthy ideals moms can offer their daughters so that their girls are armed with the tools to make their own observations and decisions. His family only instigates the situation. My daughter had her first baby 3 years ago and it seemed my son-in-laws hate grew ever so much deeper for me. He cannot connect to baby, and doesn’t like the fact the baby is a girl. By using Verywell Family, you accept our, What to Do When You Don't Like Who Your Teen Is Dating, 9 Must-Know Points About Preventing Teen Dating Violence, How Sibling Relationships Can Impact Bullying. After a year of his accusations she got mad and told him she did. Two days later they got married. She then starts feeling bad and goes right back to him. This mum’s approach is the recommended way, despite her daughter minimising her experience: “I tried to keep checking on her — she always said things were fine and they were getting on well. I know the attraction of “bad boys.” Fellas that are everything your parents warn you of. Emptiness inside her is abusive and has driven a wedge between her and family! 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